Today, in The Age

Did you know, online newspaper websites are a bit shitty?

• Liberals back burqa ban! Oh wait, no, they don't. One of them did months ago, but Abbott specifically says he just has issues with it personally and that he reckons it might be considered an issue in a court of law as a witness, but specifically says that it's a matter for the judge to decide. So very close, though.
• I'm shattered. Someone dropped their phone today. And—wait for it—it broke. Luckily, The Age was there to cover details as they emerged. For fuck's sake. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me: I remember poor Jackson having to beat away the reporters when he made the ill-advised decision to go swimming with his iPhone. I just hope Asher Moses is ready to cover the developments as swathes of people drop their phones on Friday and Saturday night.
• Vampire author quits via Facebook. Anne Rice has ceased to be a Christian. You'd think "Vampire author quits Christianity" would be enough to get people clicking, but no, if Facebook is involved, then Facebook is in the headline. In fairness to The Age, this is partly everyone else's fault for being morons. I mean, I clicked on it, but I clicked ironically, because I knew it wouldn't actually be about Facebook. So there.